Is Balance Bullshit?

I'm bad at sleeping.

I really love life, so taking a break from it for eight whole hours sometimes seems like an impossible task. That's eight whole hours without laughter or human connection or the smell of the wet mud in the woods around my house. Eight hours where I don't get to explore what's possible.  

Sometimes I lay awake trying to convince myself that it's only eight hours, and it will all still be there when I wake up. Only the reality is that it won't be. Everything will be different by eight hours.  

I'm not a late-night worrier, but admittedly, I'm a late-night thinker.

Lately, I've been thinking about the concept of balance.

Watch that video above. That's a video I made for the Outdoor Industry Women's Coalition's Pitchfest, and I really hope I get chosen to go pitch at Outdoor Retailer this summer. That would rock my Wheelie world.

The businesswoman in me loves that video. It's calm. It's balanced. It hits on all the core values that shape my life and my company.

The artist in me chuckles at that video. Because it's calm. And it's balanced. And it hits on the core values without showing the chaos or the difficulties or the shitshow that is my brain every single Monday when there are a million things going on at once, and I still have to find time to get an MRI on my knee and grade 30 FVCC projects.

I seek balance every day, and I rarely find it. That's really why I started this Lifestyle Blog-- it attempts to keep my lifestyle in check. I'm not great at Balance. Like many other people out there, I have a tendency to go all-in when I'm interested in something.

For example, as a little kid, I was really into dogs, and I could get a blank piece of paper out and list every single dog breed in the AKC. There were 500 at the time. When that got too easy, I would try to do it alphabetically.  That was fun for me. 

Later, when I discovered snowboarding, I poured over magazines for hours. I learned the names of pros, photographers, writers, and resorts. I learned trick names and how to do some of them. I dedicated my life to sliding sideways as fast as I could, my dog by my side, and consciously designed a life based upon snowfall.

And when I started really growing my business, I nerded out harder than ever, with my dog and my snowboard as my two best friends. I read every design and business book I could get my hands on. (I still do.)  There is so much to learn all the time. It never ends, and that's not stressful-- it's awesome.

When I'm passionate about something, I like to know in detail, exactly what I'm talking about when it comes to those subjects. Full immersion seems to be the only way I know how to get into something.

I very recently took up yoga. In theory, it teaches better balance physically, and mentally clears the head. (Although I've had so many concussions in the past few years, is there really anything left to clear? Joking. Kind of.) Currently, I'm terrible at yoga. It's a mildly-frustrating endeavor because it's something that can't be rushed. I can't relax harder or stretch faster. Physically, I thought I had good balance. Yoga is calmly and quietly showing me that I have a whole lot to learn there, too. I tip over a lot, face to the mat. But man, I want to be able to do those crazy handstands where you put your feet on your head and balance there like it's totally natural.
I'm gunning for you, crazy handstand pose. But I can't rush it.

And so, taking an eight-hour break every night sometimes seems impossible.

Yep. I'm bad at sleeping.

Does balance even exist, or is it the great unicorn of idealism?